First, click here to find out everything you need to know about this series.
Then, read the previous interviews to catch-up.
Previous Interviews: Male Case Study 1: Interview #1 (Introduction), Female Case Study 1: Interview #1 (Introduction), Male Case Study 2: Interview #1 (Introduction), Female Case Study 2: Interview #1 (Introduction), Male Case Study 1: Interview #2 (Profile and First Matches), Female Case Study 1: Interview #2 (Profile and First Matches), Male Case Study 2: Interview #2–Profile and First Matches)
Female Case Study 2: Interview #2–Profile and First Matches
Poppy is a stickler for correct spelling and grammar.
Do you want to know the easy way to handle “undesirables” ?
Q1: What was your mindset and how much effort did you put into writing your profile?
Poppy: It took a long time because I wanted it to be honest, straightforward… so that it would convey who I was. I made sure I had up-to-date pictures and accurate information. [I can’t stop myself. I know she just emphasized her effort to include accurate information, but I ask my follow-up question anyway. It’s just wrong, but I think she will forgive me.]
Q2 (Follow-up): Did you outright lie or exaggerate or omit any information about yourself on any profile on any site?
Poppy: I didn’t lie. I did feel that there were some things that I didn’t have to include because I thought it would be better to share that in a conversation. I guess I didn’t want to overwhelm [the men reading my profile]—basically give a dissertation—because men weren’t going to read something that’s long. I’m not going to lie. I couldn’t think of that much to write about myself anyway.
Q3: Profiles with photos are said to get twice as many responses. How did you feel about posting your photo?
Poppy: At first I was afraid because I didn’t know who would have access, and it was out there for anyone to see it [on most sites] expect eHarmony. But as time progressed, I realized that if I didn’t have a picture, no one would really talk to you no matter what you wrote in your profile. Then once you put your picture out there, you come across those who are drawn to your picture but don’t take time to read what you wrote about yourself. So it’s a double-edged sword. [Amen to that!]
Q4: What was the experience like when you saw your first matches online (for any site)?
Poppy: It really felt like you were looking at a catalog. You picked who you thought you would like. At first I was a little shy and nervous about it because I was used to a man selecting me first before I would. It was interesting, but it gave me a nervous feeling. It can become very addicting looking through the different profiles and reading them.
Q5: Describe your habits. How did you work through the process? How did you interact with your chosen matches?
Poppy: At first it’s new, it’s different. So you’re excited about it. Usually, for most sites, you get your matches and you can choose to read profiles and view pictures. I would check them out—see what they wrote. I’d check for spelling errors, grammar errors, and how they expressed themselves overall. That would take about a couple of hours a day. I would do this until I felt I’d seen enough. Then, sometimes, the men would contact me with “I like” or a “wink” or whatever the site used. It’s kind of an ice breaker. If I was interested, I would respond. But as time progressed, I realized some men were contacting other women and they may not have been as interested in me as I thought. Basically, I feel that quite a few of the men that would contact me were just doing it to see if I would bite back, not necessarily to pursue anything. So I decided to only respond to meaningful, thought out emails that were sent to me. No more ice breakers, winks, or whatever. That limited the number of responders that I dealt with. After that point, there were emails back and forth and I would check to see if they actually took the time to read my profile as well as look at my picture. Also, as time progressed, my time spent on the site diminished to maybe 30 minutes [a day]…the max was an hour, primarily to respond to emails or clean out my inbox and delete undesirable responders.
Q6 (Follow-up): Please describe some of these “undesirables.”
Poppy: Okay, if your email said, “Hi Beautiful” or anything that seemed like a pick up line, I deleted the email and didn’t respond. I figured that if I didn’t respond, then he would know I wasn’t interested. Men that sent me their phone numbers without even interacting with me got the same treatment. I would delete the person if they became a pest—constantly persisting after I said no thank you. But I only had to do that four times [out of all the sites used]. Men whose profiles had provocative pictures or overly sexual pictures…the person would not get a response.
Q7: Overall, did you like the process? Why or why not?
Poppy: I have mixed feelings. The process is easy. So in that respect it’s easy because it’s user friendly. You know what?…I mean the only part I don’t like is that there is no way of knowing if what the person put in their profile is the truth. There’s just no way of verifying that what you are reading is the truth.