Special Note: All final interviews for this series will be posted tonight with the exception of Male Case Study #2, Obsidian…(1 of 3 posts)
It’s been a long time since I’ve posted about this topic, but I did promise to finish the series. If this is your first time reading any of the interviews in this series or if you need a quick refresher on what it’s all about, please click here.
Then, read the previous interviews to catch-up.
Previous Interviews: Male Case Study 1: Interview #1 (Introduction), Female Case Study 1: Interview #1 (Introduction), Male Case Study 2: Interview #1 (Introduction), Female Case Study 2: Interview #1 (Introduction), Male Case Study 1: Interview #2 (Profile and First Matches), Female Case Study 1: Interview #2 (Profile and First Matches), Male Case Study 2: Interview #2–Profile and First Matches), Female Case Study 2: Interview #2–Profile and First Matches, Male Case Study 1: Interview #3 (Dating, etc.), Female Case Study 1: Interview #3 (Dating, etc.), Female Case Study 2: Interview #3 (Dating, etc.)
Female Case Study 1: Interview #4 (Final Say About Online Dating)
Honeysuckle wraps up her thoughts about online dating in a clear and concise way.
Q1: Are you still currently active on any online dating site? If so, how’s it going? If not, what happened? Why not?
Honeysuckle: No. I killed all accounts because they are…how can I put it…the majority of men I’m finding are playing games, and I guess that’s not what I want anymore. Not at all. I met one person that seemed to be sincere, and I’m still seeing that person now. We agreed to delete our online accounts, but the problem is that this is not the first time I’ve met someone online and agreed to delete my account. They tell you they want to be exclusive, but they don’t want to let go of their online selections, and it becomes an ultimatum: me or your online account.[I’ve been through it myself. You never know if the other person will really delete their account or not. That’s just the way it is.]
Follow-up (Q2): Since this hasn’t worked well in the past, why did you agree to delete your account this time?
Honeysuckle: Because the person I met treated me differently than anyone else in the past. I felt like he earned my trust. But…When it came down to deleting his account, he seemed hesitant and wanted to do it on his own. I had a problem with that. I felt that he was hiding something from me because it shouldn’t have been a big deal. He took it as me making a demand, but I took it as him showing me that he was sincere.
Follow-up (Q3): Did he delete it?
Honeysuckle: He deleted it two days later. I thought he was messing around. So with that, I broke it off. But after some conversations, I had to take a step back to think about everything that had happened up to that point…Him sharing information…Him being there for me. He even gave me money to help me move. Not many men would do that. He should’ve deleted it immediately, but I left my fears and insecurities from past relationships get in the way. We’re back together now. We’re more aware of each others’ feelings. Now it is one day at a time.
Q4: What’s different for you now than when you first started using online dating sites?
Honeysuckle: Oh my goodness, I’ve learned so much. I’ve learned first that I don’t need a man. I wanted a man, but I don’t need a man. Secondly, I guess I’m more self aware. I thought I was self aware. I was aware of the things that I was saying and doing but not realizing how it was being taken by a man. Men and women are so different. I think I communicate better. Certain things I realize are best not to share too early. Finally, I’ve realized if I just hang back, then…I don’t know how to say it…Basically, what’s going to be for me will be, and I don’t have to push it. [Well stated. I totally agree with this perspective.]
Follow-up (Q5): What kinds of things shouldn’t be shared too soon?
Honeysuckle: Too much of your feelings. Future things. It’s best to wait until they [men] show you themselves because often times their actions don’t match their words. When you wait, you’ll know. If you have to question them, convince them, or explain…that’s too much work. There is no amount of talking that will convince them that you are the person they want to be with. I think men know what they want. A man knows if he wants to go long-term with you in the first—some say three months—I’d say the first couple of months.
Q6: What are your lessons learned from the online dating experience?
Honeysuckle: Oh my goodness…I’ve learned that…hopefully this answers the question in a nutshell. I’ve learned that I don’t want to meet anyone else online. I just want to meet someone the old-fashioned way. [She laughs.] I learned that if they can’t spell in their profile and use basic noun/verb agreement, then we can’t have a conversation. [Now I laugh.] I can appreciate the fact that you learn more facts in a shorter amount of time online than you do when you meet a person in passing on the street. However, oftentimes in online dating, I have found that the majority of men are not honest. I believe it is more stressful than “regular” dating. You have more of a pool to choose from, but you have a lot of sharks. Dating is just complicated. No matter how much or how little effort you put into it, it’s just complicated. I think men make it more complicated than it has to be. If men were honest about what they wanted…but I guess the problem may be they just don’t know what they want. That means they don’t need to be out there.
Follow-up (Q7): You said that online the majority of men are not honest. Well, the same can be said when you meet them face-to-face. What’s the difference?
Honeysuckle: I think the whole point to online dating is to exchange more information at one time with a person, but because there are so many questions you have to answer in a profile, there are more things to lie about! So at that point, you have to weed through which responses are true and which are false. It’s like taking a test…that you are unprepared for—a statistics test. What are the odds that they are telling the truth? [I have no idea. I was never good at statistics, but I could make an educated guess about the answer to this question based on my personal experiences alone.]
Q8: Have you been following the interviews of other participants in this series? If so, what stands out to you.
Honeysuckle: Obsidian stands out to me. When I read his interviews, I could relate to his observations more than the other guy [Tiger’s Eye]. I could see myself having a good conversation about the subject [online dating] with him…not connecting with him or anything, just a good conversation. [ Hey, Obsidian–Let’s be clear here. Honeysuckle is NOT trying to make a play for you :)]
Q9: What advice do you have for men using online dating sites?
Honeysuckle: I’m going to be straight-up. Be a man about it! Tell the damn truth about what you are looking for. That’s it.
Q10: What advice do you have for women using online dating sites?
Honeysuckle: I have so much I want to say about this, but I’m going to try to keep it short. If your spidey senses are going off about a guy, listen to them. Also, if you meet someone online and they really want to get to know you, they will let you know and you won’t have to guess. The rest is up to you. That’s it.