Detoxing Makes Me Want To Scream

Detoxing Makes Me Want To Scream

scream

“It just makes sense.  I try to stick with natural, organic products anyway.  How hard can this be?”

That’s how I ended my very first post about detoxing.  Here I am two weeks later, and I want to scream! It reminds me of that song by Michael and Janet Jackson called “Scream.”  This is the third day that I’ve attempted to calm myself enough to write about what’s going on with me.

Yesterday, I’d planned to write about how I completed an inventory of my bathroom drawers and cabinets, linen closet, and vanity.  I absolutely love my vanity.  I searched and searched until I found one with just the right mix of traditional and modern design.  It’s filled with all of my favorite eye shadows, eye liners, mascaras, lip glosses, mineral powder, make-up application brushes, and one extra wicked red lipstick.  I even wrote a special tribute to some of my favorite finds at the end of last year.  Click here to see glitter and glam.  Just thinking about it makes me sad because I know the day is coming when I’ll have to throw out almost all of it, and I’ve got no idea what my replacement cosmetic products will be. For now, I remain in the dark about their toxic ingredients.

If I’d written about this yesterday, I’m certain that I would’ve gone on to tell you that I have over 50 personal care products!  This doesn’t even include the glam make-up or perfumes.  I would’ve shared how surprised I was to find that I have so many different products.  Yes, I know I purchased them, but so what?  I lost count, okay?  I ended up wondering how I allowed my daily personal care regime to become so crowded with all of these products.  Things have become way too complicated. Why should I be surprised that I spend close to an hour in the bathroom each morning?  You would too if you used between 10 and 15 products before you left the bathroom.  I have to admit that I enjoy relaxing in the bathroom.  It’s the water element of course.  I zone out when I hear the water flowing.  I really wish I had a little sofa in there, but I don’t and it’s not on my list of things to buy this year.  So I’ll move on.

The effects of the full moon could have something to do with my state today.  The moon is a strange and beautiful thing, but that doesn’t explain why I thought it was a good idea to change all of my skincare products at the same time a few weeks ago!  I’m supposed to be learning how to take risks, but this was just insane.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  Oh, right, I thought it would be easy to start using clean products.  Well I was wrong.  Why did I start with my face?  I can’t fathom what made me do it.  I could have begun this journey with easy areas like changes to my hair products or moisturizers for my feet. I could’ve done anything other than this, and it probably would’ve turned out better or at least I would not have a problem that’s not easily corrected and visible to others.

I’ll confess that I’ve used the Proactiv system for about 10 years. I should’ve been featured on one of their commercials.  It has worked perfectly for me.  I’ve rarely had a breakout or skin irritation, and I’ve grown used to having smooth, even skin.  This was not the case when I was a teenager.  I had bad skin, and I don’t care what anyone else thought about it.  I don’t recall ever seeing a dermatologist until I was an adult, but I needed one long before then.  I’ve no idea what my parents were thinking. Did they pay attention to me at all?  Okay, maybe I’m going a bit too far. Anyway, memories of a time long ago came crashing in on me over the past few days as I watched my skin react in an unappealing way to my very new, very clean products, which were supposed to work wonders.  The battle was on.  I found myself either avoiding mirrors or being drawn to them to inspect my face.  Are the bumps smaller?  How do they look if I tilt my head this way or that way?  When will this torture end?  What if it never clears up?  On and on it went.  I asked my mom what she thought.  She said it was hardly noticeable.  I love her for that, but it was a lie.  She knew it was bad.  I asked my husband what he thought.  He said it looked like something irritated my skin, and he didn’t understand why I changed my products in the first place.  You don’t say?  Wow, did he remember that he’s married to an engineer?  Experimenting is my thing.  Did he listen to any of my lectures about hidden ingredients that do the exact opposite of what a product is supposed to do?  This is the same husband who downplayed it when the entire left side of my face turned red recently.  So he was suspect from the start.  I even resorted to having a conversation with one of my children!  Things definitely had taken a turn for the worst at that point.  I do remember crying a little bit just before falling asleep.  I just couldn’t believe I’d done this to myself and all in the name of going clean.

Yesterday, I almost went back to Proactiv because I know it works.  I really wanted to do it.   I can’t describe how hard it was for me to avoid picking up that little white bottle and pressing the automatic button in my brain.  The temptation to resume my comfortable behavior was overwhelming. I longed to do it.  I eventually had to close the bathroom door and distract myself with episodes of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine.

I thought about chucking the new stuff and going back to the old.  Why not?  It would’ve been so easy to do it.

I didn’t do it though.  I’m sitting here right now wishing I had because I know what the results look like.  I don’t like this not knowing when it comes to my face.  I can deal with unknowns in many areas of my life, but I fall to pieces when it comes to my face.  Nevertheless, I have not reverted to my old products or my old ways.  I think I can last for another two or three days.  We’ll see.

In the meantime, let me warn anyone who thinks they are ready to detox.  It doesn’t matter if it’s internal or external.  You’d better be prepared for the ugly side of it.  Getting rid of toxins is risky business and the initial results might not be as you expect.

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