Dating Tip #2: Know Before You Go

Dating Tip #2: Know Before You Go

Tiger’s Eye was right about dating when he said, “…before you join an online dating site, decide what you want to get out of the experience.”

Even if you aren’t using an online dating service, the same advice applies.  You need to know where you are and what you want before you invite someone into your life.  For some, this is obvious and goes without saying.  Maybe you’re lucky enough to not be confused about what’s best for you or disillusioned by the demise of a love affair you were sure was the best thing that ever happened to you or just plain bitter about being alone after a string of sorry relationship experiences.  If this is you, if you are this lucky, well, kudos to you.  You rock!  Date on!  For others, here’s my advice:  get thee to a peaceful place where ye may see thyself clearly. 

Before you go on another date, have an honest conversation with yourself about what you want.  I like to stand in front of my favorite mirror for these intimate moments with myself.  Try it.  Be courageous.  Stand up tall, peer into your eyes, take a big cleansing breath, and ask yourself one question.   

Why am I dating right now?

That’s it. 

So simple. 

Notice that the question is anchored in the present.  This is key.  It’s not about the past.  Leave him back there.  It’s also not about the future.  She stretches so far out in front of us that we are pulled away from the magic of right now.

Pay close attention to the first thoughts that fill your mind.  Don’t force it.  I like to talk out loud to myself during my one-on-ones, but you don’t have to do it this way.  If talking out loud makes you feel too weird or uncomfortable, try writing down whatever comes to you. But first, find that mirror, move in real close, and ask the question.  

Why am I dating right now?

No censoring.

Just let the answer flow.

Once you have it, you’ll have a better sense of how to proceed.  But if by chance you face the mirror, ask the question, and nothing comes, then just go back to Dating Tip #1 until something does. 

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