Not nearly as far as I’d like…

Not nearly as far as I’d like…

We’re about five weeks away from the summer solstice, which means the year is already halfway over.  It’s quite reasonable to expect that some progress has been made on achieving goals set at the beginning of the year.  Surely six months is enough time to show results.  Let’s review the events of the last few weeks to see what we discover.

  • On the first of several required furlough days, traveled out of town to visit Grandma Lillie for her 16th Pastor’s Anniversary.  Forgot about loss salary dollars.  Felt free.
  • Learned that angle of left eye was too narrow and was at high risk for acute angle closure.  Permanent loss of vision possible.  Experienced denial, anger, fear, and finally acceptance that something had to be done.  Scheduled appointment for laser iridotomy.   Believed literature about the procedure’s simplicity and minimal side-effects.  Experienced denial, anger, and fear all over again when procedure failed on first try due to thick iris and dark eye color.  Sat in pain and darkness for many hours afterwards.  Felt tortured by second try.  Pain.  Darkness. Worried about right eye.  Cannot believe another set of tests are coming up next week.    
  • Began drinking more water than ever with the help of new glass water bottle by Camelbak.  Didn’t find the straw odd at all.  Added fresh mint, lemon, and blackberry to liven things up.  Best investment in some time. 
  • Received hospital bill for over $1000 dollars from emergency room visit from December 2012!  Pain.  Darkness.  Anger.  Ignored so-called explanation of benefits notices received from both primary and secondary insurance companies.  Did not accept denial of claims.  Refused to make payment.  Procrastinated.  Received subsequent bill.  Managed to control temper while on phone with both insurance companies.  Discovered multiple errors—not mine.  Found out that  reprocessing will take another 21 days.  Stopped caring. 
  • Ungrounded.  Spent less than an hour in meditation over the past three weeks.  In need of prayer and more quiet time.
  • Downloaded calorie counting, weight loss app at sister’s request.  Discouraged by 1200 calorie per day limit to reach doctor’s recommended weight goal.  Have not logged in to record foods, beverages, and exercise in over 10 days.  Lost count of the number of workouts missed during the past three weeks.  Gym membership may have expired by now.  Scale showed loss of one pound.  Texted sister.  Called mother.  Showed husband.  Celebrated.
  • Took second furlough day this week.  Thought about salary loss.  Wondered what the next few months will bring.  Felt unfocused and tired.
  • Laughed and fussed with mom over Mother’s Day weekend.  Attempt at going with the flow when sister arrived many hours late with her very own special ways went down in flames over a movie.  Got over it.  Then, fell and twisted left ankle while walking out of parent’s house.  Sat still, stunned.  Jumped up and carried on thinking all was fine only to spend the next three days hopping around.  Not one workout done this week.
  • Insisted the children read Wild Seed by Octavia Butler.  Pushed them.  Threatened them.  Ran out of steam.  Relieved and proud when they finally finished.  
  •  Maintained dairy-free diet, but miss cheese pizza.  Replaced cheese with hummus, guacamole, and salsa.  Tempted to stop by pizza shop yesterday.

At best, I can only claim very minimal progress.  I’m not nearly as far as I’d like to be on the path to meet my 2013 goals.  I’ll keep trying.

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2 thoughts on “Not nearly as far as I’d like…

  1. Kudos for working your list of goals. Remember, we are our own worst critics. “the glass is half full!. Cheer yourself for trying to climb Kilamanjaro! All the road blocks is just ” Life happening around your”! You can do it. A “Gratitude List” will make the bleakest time look a lot better without sugar coating thing. Over all, you are am amazing worman, don’t forget to celebrate that!

    1. Encouraging words, Twinsister, and I thank you for them. These are challenging times right now–at least for me. I don’t have a gratitude list, but I certainly do have a lot to be thankful for. So maybe this is something I can do to help myself through the next few weeks. I resumed morning meditation sessions this week. It’s only been 10 or 15 minutes, but even this short time spent quieting my mind has helped. I’ll keep taking a step forward each day and hope to have a different story to tell later this year.

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