Dating Tip #3: Leave the Past Where It Belongs

Dating Tip #3: Leave the Past Where It Belongs

It’s your first date.  You’re excited and nervous at the same time.  It’s all you’ve thought about all week.  Finally, you’re dressed in the perfect first date outfit, which you selected with the help of a trusted friend earlier in the week.  One last check in the mirror before you go, and you must say that you look good.  Your look says, “I’m confident, intelligent, and classy with just the right amount of sexy.”  He’s told you that the dinner reservation is for seven, and there are plans for after dinner drinks at a popular spot nearby.  You’ve got this!  You’re ready to go!

Thirty minutes later, you’re sitting across from him.  It’s noisy with activity all around you, but you barely notice.  You only have eyes for him.  The lights are very low.  This makes you feel extra good because you know how great your make-up looks by candlelight.  The server appears, and he suggests an appetizer and wine that you absolutely love.  He speaks of his week at work.  You listen intently.  Every time you look at him, you get the feeling that he is as into you as much as you are into him.  You don’t even realize how you hang on his every word.  You sip and smile and bite and smile and sip some more.  He sips too, but not as much as you. 

Somewhere between the entrée and dessert, you can’t recall when, the conversation takes a turn from him, his work, and recent happenings to a tour of your past.  Every time you look at him, you get the feeling that he is as into you as much as you are into him.  So you keep talking.  You go on and on about your previous relationships, especially the last one that ended in heartbreak.  At first, he asks questions.  You answer openly, honestly—providing all of the details that matter to you, never pausing, never considering that maybe, just maybe, he doesn’t need to know everything. 

He smiles and nods occasionally.  You continue on, and in the span of just one meal, you spill the contents of your past all over the table, into his lap, and onto the floor. 

The check comes.  He pays.  Then, he politely excuses himself.  When he returns, he explains that after dinner drinks are no longer possible as something unexpected has come up.  You’re disappointed, but you accept his explanation without the slightest understanding of what is going on. 

Days later, you receive no call, no follow-up, and he has not entertained even a single thought of you.  He has checked out and moved on with intimate details of your life that quite frankly, he should not have known. 

Since this was a first meeting, and there were no guarantees of anything beyond it, your past should’ve never found its way in.  In the beginning, sometimes it’s best to remain focused on the present, and leave the past way back there where it belongs. 


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