It was just an eye exam

It was just an eye exam

There will be lots of holiday music, movies, and soy nog with a few extra shots of nutmeg tonight!  The combined effects of the flu shot I received this morning and the darkness outside are weighing my psyche down.  A hot, steamy shower with soothing oatmeal soap followed by silky shea butter lotion and comfy pajamas are what I want, but I’m going to have to forge ahead with today’s grime all over me.  No going up stairs to get ready for bed and relax until the daily word count is met, posted, and behind me.

Let me check my stats.  Okay, well, lets just say that I’ll be downstairs for a long time tonight.  Perhaps this is karma at work.  I shouldn’t have acted out at the doctor’s office this morning.  The lady was doing her job, following the doctor’s instructions.  It was just a simple eye exam.  Nevertheless, when she announced that an eye exam was new this year for patients having their annual physicals, I couldn’t understand it.  Since when do I need my primary care physician to give me an eye exam?  I have a specialist for everything.  For example, I already see an eye specialist since I’ve been labeled a “glaucoma suspect.”  In fact, I have a follow-up appointment in the morning.   Did I really need someone else testing my eyes today just because it seemed like a good thing to do?

imagesI was told to walk down the hall, turn around, and read the line on the paper chart that was the clearest to me.  What?  A paper chart?  It wasn’t even in a controlled environment.  Did she know that my eyes are now hypersensitive to certain lighting because of the procedure I had a few months ago?  Of course she didn’t.  My eyes felt uncomfortable, but I blinked and tried to read the second line from the bottom.  You know it’s going badly when you say something like, “I think it’s an O.  No, that looks like a Q or maybe it’s a C.”  It went downhill from there.  I think I missed every letter on one of the rows.  At one point, I stood there with my arms folded and refused to say anything.  The lady kept urging me to read the line that was the clearest to me.  I asked, “What do you mean by clear?”  She repeated herself.  I attempted to make her understand how unreasonable the request was to me.  “I wear reading glasses for crying out loud.  These lights hurt my eyes.  I can’t even focus.  If you ask me, none of the lines are truly clear expect the top two or three, and I know good and well that my eyes are better than that.”  I felt like screaming, but we got through it.

My goal was to remain as calm as possible for this doctor’s visit, so my blood pressure wouldn’t become elevated as it usually does anytime I’m in anyone’s doctor’s office for anything.  The readings can easily be 10-15 points higher than normal simply because I’m in a doctor’s office.  Today was just extra.

I managed to trash my original plan to remain calm within the first five minutes of the visit, and all because of an eye exam.  It wasn’t worth it, but there it was.  I’d behaved badly.  My mother would’ve been embarrassed.  I can’t say that I was, but I did try to make it right.  I complimented the lady on her unshakeable calm and professionalism.  I explained that I was having a moment and that I was probably under a bit more stress than usual.  I promised to behave better on my next visit.  Now, I’ve got about three hours to forget all about that and get some writing done.

Until tomorrow…

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